Something Gus will be using in a few years...

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
Print out and submit as per instructions at the bottom of the form
1. Name :_________________ Date of Birth :_______________
2. Height :________ Weight :______ GPA :_________
3. Social Sec. #______________ Drivers license #_______________________
4. Boy Scout Rank :__________________
5. Home address :_____________________________________________
6. Do you own a van ?___ A truck with oversized tires ?____ A water bed ?____
7. Do you have an earring , nose ring , belly-button ring ?______ tattoo ?______
(If yes to any of #6 or #7, discontinue application and leave the premises)
8. In ten words or less, what does LATE mean to you ?_____________________
9. In ten words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you ?_________
10. In ten words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you ?_____
11. Church you attend :________________ How often you attend :____________
12. When would be the best time to interview your Father, Mother, and Minister ? ____
13. What would you want to be IF you grew up ? _______________________
Answer the following questions by filling in the blank. Please answer freely - all answers are confidential (I won't tell anyone - ever- I promise)
If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is in the ___________________
If I were beaten the last bone I would want broken is my ________________________________
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________________________
When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is________________________________
(Note: If above answer begins with T or A, discontinue and leave premises: Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. )

I SWEAR THAT THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF: NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, DEATH, AND DISMEMBERMENT.

Signature (that means your name, moron)____________________________________________

APPLICANT'S RIGHT THUMB PRINT IN BLOOD

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not attempt to call or write. If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white coats and carrying a violin case.